The hits just keep on comin'

The lies continue... I found out about another stupid, completely inconsequential lie that sent me reeling once again. I don't know why he keeps doing this. Lying about stupid crap that undermines the trust I'm working so hard to rebuild. I really think I'm to the point where I've got to stop caring about him, about what he's doing, about our marriage. Because caring is screwing me up. It's taking me off my game, making it a thousand times more difficult to be good to Matthew and good to myself.

I refuse to feel stuck with him.

He can go make his money and spend it however he likes.

I really will go get a job. It will break my heart to put Matthew in daycare, but I'll do it if I have to.

I can't be married to someone who lies, even about stupid little things.

Lying about stupid little things leads to lying about big things.

If he's not lying about those already.

I am a good wife. He's putting up this distance in our marriage.

I'm sad and angry about it.

And now I feel like a complete idiot for ever feeling happy the other day for shopping at Sephora.

I must be an idiot.

I don't know what to do.

I have to take care of Matthew. That's my first and most important priority.

He can either grow some balls and stop lying or he can go scratch.

Does the fact that I feel this way mean I don't love him anymore?

Because I really don't know if I do.

Merry Christmas. Ugh.