Still don't have a whole lot to say these days... I seem to be too pissed/sad/scared/mad/suspicious/angry/depressed etc. to feel like writing at all.

We're getting ready for Christmas. Literally... like, right now. I'm sitting in the living room with boxes and berries and tissue and ribbon covering every inch of available space (other than where the baby is sleeping). The tree is up and its lights are on, but the Frank Sinatra Christmas CD has gone MIA... can't decorate the tree without "We Wish You The Merriest". It just wouldn't be right.

Anyway, things in my head seem to be getting worse and not better. I'm angry at Mark All. The. Time. I just don't know how this happened. We really had a perfect marriage, and now it's all just gone to shit. I googled "Marital problems after baby", and came up with nothing other than one website that says while a new baby changes the dynamics, it really just brings hidden problems to the surface. That doesn't make sense?!! Does that mean that for the past 8 years I actually hated my husband but never knew it? I'm so confused and sad and mad. I feel cheated. This is not at all how I pictured life with a baby would be.

Anyway, said baby is beautiful. He's 5 months + now, loves the Johnny Jumper and is trying to hold his own bottle. I still can't believe he's mine. I still can't believe I get to keep him!

More later... maybe tomorrow I'll be less pissed?