anxiety

I've been living with anxiety almost since I met him. Everything has always been high emotion, high drama. Nothing, absolutely nothing has ever felt settled or safe. It's been 9 years of this. Nine years of waiting for him to get it right, to finally be calm, be still.
And it continues. Today there was more drama, more fears, more worries that I just can't take anymore. He's too lazy, too flaky, to just plain stupid to clean up his messes the way he's supposed to. And he lies all the time, to me and everyone else.
And now I have a little boy who needs me. I have a little boy who loves me and hugs me and cries whenever I leave.
I can't do this anymore.